I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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