I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i already hear my dad disowning me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
