right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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