Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
