Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
