At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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