he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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