party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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