i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
