oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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