Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
