I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
