Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
