i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
