It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
