How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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