And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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