just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she pinky promised me she was 18
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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