Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
