I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Your tits are I can't wait for
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
