Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
