Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
