so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
