I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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