Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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