You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
