last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This is my gift to your gina
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
