So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
