If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
