Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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