What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
