peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
