Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
