i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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