Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
