you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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