DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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