I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
