i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
