I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
