nut hugger
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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