All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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