life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
