I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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