I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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