it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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