Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
