nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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