I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
