On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
handjob tips. give me some.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
