im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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