Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
