bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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