We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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